3:40am

i think my faith isn't lost/ebbing even if i haven't done the things that i ought to do (as someone who tags herself a Christian) as rigorously or as religiously as possible. i am grateful i've been introduced to protestantism as a child because no matter what i would learn from reading books(such as brown's) or from the philosophy of religion classes could've taught me in college could not shake what i believed from childhood & i can still stand grounded on what i've believed in from the start. & all that i believed in were things/values that i've trusted/kept on my own volition. my mantra slash gratitude list for the week that is and will be full of cr*p.. - that difficult people in my life are possibly there because that's the only thing they can do best- do their jobs(w/c makes it harder for me to do mine:) & i shouldn't take it personaly - that maybe at times i shouldn't apologize if i know that i am right or maybe that i should not apologize too much :) - that some ppl from another continent may feel superior about their race & may feel like they're paid better but come to think of it, they did not attend a great uni and might not even know who sophocles is..(okay, sophocles i don't remember thee too), yes, the asian race,specifically filipino race may stand small and may be copper-skinned but, that doesn't make someone whose skin is white any better than us.. - that maybe a sunday worship should not be dependent on my circumstances during the weekend or who i am with because a sunday worship is supposed to be about me & about Him & i shouldn't care about another person not feeling the same thing about going to church because i can go to church on my own -and it's not about being in church in the first place -that i will not complain too much because every time miko and i would eat fast food, i can say that the food that is placed before us are from real hardwork, from staying up at night, from listening to other ppl and helping other people(paid though), and this is honest / tough work that we are fortunate to be doing- that spares our tiny limbs from real manual/brute labor.. and yes, we are fortunate to be able to eat out/ to do food or clothes shopping/ to spend hard-earned moolah for alcohol- though we should be doing this sparingly.. -and most often than not you are to be grateful that there is someone who cares that you are breathing/ and are needed/and would not be embarrasssed to show your dirty linens to-when you are afraid that other people may treat you differently when they know, and are not alone when most ppl you see on the streets are famished and lonesome and might not know what or who to believe in anymore-that there is sooo much broken-ness in being- that they become indifferent to change- that they will just stay as is. that you are to be grateful that somehow you are aware of the greatness of realizing the values of intrinsic things- such as love// hope// faith// beliefs// friendship// immaterial things //changes// improvement//kindness- such things that i don't want to lose in the process of growing up when what seemed to be fashionable is cynicism and negativity and criticisms and competition and self-competency and building tall,great walls around ourselves.. -at times, it's just nice to be nice-that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling that maybe you'll beget niceness/kindness in return when you could not see a happy reason.. -- O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.-St. Augustine