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slept thru my saturday. i've had miserable pain on my joints, i've an odd rheumatism since i was a kid. i fondly call it bone fever. & aside from feeling miserably cold from the rain, my things got wet cuz of the roof that leaked. miko cleaned the spots that has rain puddles. while i cried looking at the boxes that got wet. -- 4am sunday, we had early breakfast at mama maria's. mexicana hot. i never liked their pizza. -- he had to see his mom. i did sunday cleaning. seeing my place dusted and cleaned and some of my stuff had been "let go" i actually felt a sense of relief from the exhausting baggages/clutter i've been keeping. we had lunch at chowking. saw cee. she gave me a crystal bead necklace she made. i lurve it. watched underdog, underflower with the esloyos. -- and we spent a part of the night at their place. yes things were normal and great until he had to ruin it. -- i felt loved and secured. never paranoid. i read him wrong. i will not make him pay. i'm not taking actions. he knew how he hurt me. and i am betrayed. he acted cheap. and he is a cheat. but, before i leave bacolod maybe he should rethink whether he might want to end up with me after some time. if he wanted sandrine. yes, he might want sandrine. it's odd that each time he tells me something i've to take it with a grain of salt. -- i look at him differently because he had treated me so well. he's generous with praise and gifts. -- if this and cheating would be how i pay him back.. he is a lowlife. and the universe has some way of shitting back on low lives.. -- that said. i am an idiot. i still am with him.