hungry hearts list

from lucy torres

i cut the list down: these, for the girls.

Dream together. It is fun, and empowering. Dreaming makes for a happy, positive space in the mind, and propels you, no matter how subliminally, to move forward towards making them come true. Dream small dreams, dream big ones.

Keep yourself attractive. And interesting. We’ve all seen it happen countless times. The cat’s in the bag and you slowly decide to stop putting your best foot forward. Don’t let go of the very things that made him fall for you in the first place, physically and otherwise. This is not shallow, it is essential. Also, pursue interests and passion outside that of your man’s. When you come together at the end of the day you will have much to share with each other.

Smell good. Always. Why do you think we involuntarily close our eyes with a smile the moment we bury our nose in the neck of a sleeping baby? Because the joy is so sheer, but so real. And it’s so good you’ll want to do it over and over again. Think about that. No man would want to kiss a woman who smells of kitchen spices, especially when she was not even slaving in the kitchen in the first place.

Never take each other for granted. That applies for things both big and small, but especially small because those are the ones that pile up to potentially become an ominous mountain

Be gentle, especially with criticism. Naturally at some point, because you strive to inspire each other to be better individuals, you will have to tell each other where you have gone wrong. After that, move on.

Argue. Discuss. Fight. By all means, do all that. But do not stop loving each other through it all. It is healthy to disagree, but do so like the loving adult couple that you are. You can rise above any discussion intact and in one piece. When these things happen, give each other space to breathe and process what has been said. You will need a little time apart, even if it is just in different corners in the room. In short, know when to shut up and recognize that moment when all that needs to be said has already been said.

Don’t lose yourself in the other person. Stay true to who you are, have a little life outside of his. He did not choose you so that he will have a shadow, a female version of himself. Celebrate your diversities, they will make for entries in that long list of why you love each other.

Eat together. Cook together. There is something about food and love that work very well together.

Pray over your man while he is sleeping. And love him in a relaxed, happy manner. You are not Bantay, the dog. You have a life to live, things to do, a household to run. You have to trust your man, the sanctity of your marriage vows, and believe that when it comes to temptation, God’s grace begins where his self-control may end. It is useless and disrespectful to yourself when you spend all your energy monitoring his whereabouts. Trust that he knows when he has a good thing going, and believe he will not do anything stupid to jeopardize that. Love is not about being suspicious or paranoid. That is no way to love.

Love is an everyday commitment. Yes, it is an everyday decision. You wake up each day reaffirming the fact that nothing can and will take that love away. Make that part of your daily prayer.

Get used to being affectionate. Be vocal about how you feel for each other, too. They are like talismans. A hug always feels good. Words heal. Use both in the best way possible, many, many times, all the time

Remember that your man does not have a crystal ball. The silent treatment will bring forth nothing but, you guessed it, silence. Tell him what is on your mind, and get it over with. Then you can move forward instead of steeping in (oftentimes unfounded) negative feelings of rejection, resentment, hurt.

Make time for what you choose to have in your life.

Nothing comes from nothing. If you want intimacy and close ties with your loved one, spend time with him/her. Lots of time. Talk, and laugh, and build memories together. There are no shortcuts here.

Fan an interest in what your man does. You can drift apart if you have nothing in common.

Spirituality is important. Do not underestimate that. I will not be preachy here but suffice to say that making God a part of your marriage makes it more than just a little bit great.

Have loving conversations. Always.

Be affectionate, encouraging, and warm.

Do not be too breathless with life. Watch your pace. Physical exhaustion from all of life’s busyness will zap the romance.

Do not sweat the small stuff. Period. Really. It just is not worth it.

Lastly, for now at least, always hold hands. Under the table, when you are walking side by side, when you sleep at night. Hold hands forever and ever. There is something about intertwined fingers that is pure, and sweet.